


Miss Wanna-Die

by elfofthedarkside



Category: Fall Out Boy, Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Miss Wanna-Die (song), Other, but the reader can be read as any gender, mentions of self harm, the song is from a female perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 23:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13398279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfofthedarkside/pseuds/elfofthedarkside
Summary: "Awake, I opened my eyes to see/a hospital so white and clean"I was walking up to the roof, I think/then can't recall at all a single thing"You wake up in a hospital with your friends Patrick and Pete beside you. What happened to them? Why can't you remember anything about what led you there?





	Miss Wanna-Die

**Author's Note:**

> Yay first reader-insert fic I've published. Kinda sad but has a happy? melancholy? ending.
> 
> Original English dub for "Miss Wanna-Die" or "Shinitai-chan" by JubyPhonic

_Awake, I opened my eyes to see_  
_A hospital, so white and clean_  
_I was walking up to the roof, I think_  
_Then can’t recall at all a single thing_

~

“(Y/N)...”  
“(Y/N)!”  
The two voices sound like they’re coming from so far away… but still you hold onto them and let them pull you out of the darkness you are swimming in.  
“Oh, thank god.”  
You open your eyes to find your two best friends standing next to the bed you were lying in. “Hey, guys…” You croak out. “What… where am I?”  
“You’re… in the hospital,” Pete replies hesitantly.  
“Well, so are we.” Patrick manages a tiny smile. You notice he has a large bandage on his head, and also noticed Pete’s arm is in a sling.  
“What happened to you?” You ask. Patrick’s smile dissolves.  
“Uh…”  
“You- you don’t remember?” Pete’s expression is one of confusion.  
“Not really.” You try to sit up, but a sharp pain shoots through your body. The boys help you lay back down, and the pain fades to a dull ache in your back and head. “Ow.”  
“We should call the nurse,” Patrick says as he reaches over you to push the call button. It only took a moment before a young woman came into the room.  
“Oh, good. You’re awake.” She smiles at you before fiddling with the monitor next to you. “How are you feeling?”  
“Um, my head and back hurt,” You reply. “And I- I can’t remember what happened. How did I get here?”  
“Well…” She begins. “The ambulance brought you here from your school. You and… Patrick, was it?” He nods. “You two fell off of the roof.”

~

_Held a hand for me, you were there_  
_I know, But couldn’t reach_  
_The me that would fall down all the time_  
_But stand and reach my hand to see…_

~

  
“Oh…”  
Bits and pieces of memory flash through your mind. The wind. Patrick reaching out to grab you, but stumbling. Pete getting ahold of Patrick’s hand as you both fell, but Patrick slipping away and you both falling, falling…

~

The two injured boys visited your house the day after you were released from the hospital. They sat in chairs beside your bed as the three of you talked.  
“Well, you managed to miss three quizzes,” Patrick joked. “Luckily, the teachers aren’t gonna make you retake them.”  
“Yeah. Y’know, it’s been real lonely eating lunch all alone.” Pete says.  
“I was there!” Patrick protests.  
“You don’t count.”  
You smile. “Okay, okay. Calm down.”  
The three of you did make quite an interesting group. The band geek, the emo, and the drama nerd. It always made you smile when you thought about it. But still, you all got along so well. It was really your bond over music that started this, but as you grew to learn more about each other you realized just how much you had in common.  
Although, one wouldn’t expect you the be the one to try and…  
“That’s what happened, isn’t it?” You ask after a few moments of silence. The boys give you confused looks.  
“What?”  
“I went up there to kill myself.” You spoke bluntly. They both sat quietly.  
“...Y- yeah…” Pete finally replies.

~

_Have you tried crossing over yet?_

~

“What exactly happened?”

~

The cold October wind feels even colder on your tearstained cheeks. The sinking feeling in your stomach only gets worse as you look over the edge of the roof.  
“Hey, (Y/N)! You up here?”  
The voices of your best friends make your heart seize in terror. They weren’t supposed to come looking for you.  
“(Y/N)!” Patrick is the first to reach you. “What’re you doing up here? Lunch is almost over.”  
“I-”  
“Are you okay?” Pete, observant as always, furrows his brow in concern.  
“I…” The tears well up again. “N- no…”  
“Oh.” Patrick steps forwards, wrapping his arms around you. “H- hey, it’s okay.”  
“No it’s not…” You mumble. You push him away. “Y- you aren’t supposed to be here.”  
“(Y/N),” Pete takes a step closer to you, and you in turn take a step backwards. “I- I know you probably feel really bad right now, but I have to ask you to not do this.”  
“Not do…” Patrick’s eyes go wide. “Wait, no. You aren’t going to-”  
“I- I can’t…” You begin to sob, taking another step back.  
“(Y/N), stop!” Patrick grabs you by the hand, but you stumble backwards and begin to fall. Time seems to slow. Patrick’s grip on your hand only tightens, but you pull him over the edge as well. Pete yells something and dashes over to you, reaching out for you and Patrick. He manages to get ahold of Patrick, letting out a yelp of pain as his arm is pulled sharply. He grabs with his other hand as well, and for a moment it seems like he can pull you up. Then, Patrick’s hand slips from Pete’s. You both fall to the ground, and the world goes black.

~

_Ah wanna die, wanna die_  
_But don’t really wanna die_  
_You were there, you would care_  
_Making me aware_  
_Every scar, all the blood_  
_More and more, they’re never done_  
_Not enough, not enough_

~

“You… you really scared us…” Patrick manages. “We didn’t know if you were going to wake up.”  
“You promised not to…” Pete trails off. You feel tears pricking your eyes.  
“I didn’t technically,” You reply. You stare pointedly at Pete’s good arm, where his sleeve had bunched up a bit and the scars were slightly visible. “What about you?”  
“I kept my side of the bargain,” Pete gritted. “Even after you jumped, I swore I wouldn’t.”  
“Hey, don’t get angry.” Patrick grabs a hand from both of you and makes you hold hands. “(Y/N) didn’t do this because they wanted to spite you.” He looks at you. “We really were scared.”  
“I didn’t- didn’t want to scare you,” You say, the tears beginning to fall. “I just… I- I just…”  
“It’s okay.” Patrick pulls you close, and you bury your face in his shoulder. “I don’t want to make you feel guilty.”  
“No matter what I do…” Your voice is muffled. “Stay alive, disappoint people. Die, make people sad. I can’t win.”

~

_Ah wanna die, wanna die_  
_But don’t really wanna die_  
_If I died, you would cry,_  
_and I don’t know why_  
_Every scar, all the blood_  
_More and more, they’re never done_  
_Not enough, not enough_

~

“Sometimes you gotta keep living just to spite the world,” Patrick whispers.  
“You shouldn’t care so much about me,” You mumble.  
“Why shouldn’t we?” Pete asks. “You’re our friend. You’re special. You’re the only person we look forward to seeing.”

~

_When I forget you, I’m all alone without a place to go_  
_But then played a mirror like a show, the past I used to know_  
_A dream, til I see every part of me, eyes of red following and_

_I wanna live, wanna live_  
_Deep inside I’ve always been_  
_Reaching out for a hand, so don’t let this be the end_  
_Mushrooms growing on my head_  
_Still remember even then_  
_Where you are when I’m dead_

~

“I know promises don’t mean much… but can you promise us that you’ll try to keep going?” Patrick looks you in the eyes.  
“If… if you guys promise to never leave.”  
Pete smiles. “Never.”

~

_Ah wanna die, wanna die_  
_But don’t really wanna die_  
_You were there, you would care_  
_You know it really isn’t fair_  
_Every time I forgot_  
_You remain inside my thoughts_  
_Not enough, not enough_

  
_Ah wanna die, wanna die_  
_Wanna die, but I still couldn’t die_  
_With you by my side_  
_Behind the days I spent alone, afraid_  
_Now you’re here to stay_

_Lalala lalala lalala lalala_  
_And the scars never fade_  
_Memories that replay_  
_Rewind yet again to the pain we felt on that day_

 

**Author's Note:**

> We all just need hugs. Can that be a goal for 2018? Anyone who's sad just gets lots of hugs. Unless they're claustrophobic. Then we can settle for a gentle back rub and pat followed by an invitation to see a stupid sappy movie and eat junk food.
> 
> Please, don't kill yourself. There's at least one person you can brighten their day with your presence and a smile, even if it's a little forced. Keep going. It gets better.


End file.
